one tribe speaks about the desire within in the feminine soul. she knows what the heart longs for. her name was "ashamed". she is now called "passion".
one tribe controls the desires. she controls so the desires are not felt. she overbears so they do not run rampant. her name was "drill sergeant". she is now called "healthy organizer”.
one tribe attempts to decipher feelings. this tribe is often the way in which we cope. her name was "librarian". she is now called "art teacher".
often times the tribes within our soul are out of line. one is dominating the rest. when our tribes live in equilibrium we are restful. when each tribe is aware of the other two, our soul can just “be”. when each tribe respects each other and their individual functions our soul is most alive.
"ashamed" was the quietest, but the most desperate. she was the one who was trying to wake the "drill sergeant" and the "librarian" up to reality: feelings of loneliness, shame, a deep desire to be loved and to love and ingrained feelings of insufficiency and insecurities. "ashamed" did not speak up because she believed that the reality of her state would make far too many waves for the "drill sergeant" to control or the "librarian" to hush. so, she quieted her voice and was lost by her counterparts.
"drill sergeant" used to demand order and productivity. she demanded that outer appearances were stable, in-line and not falling apart. she screamed, yelled, and dictated how life should be: put-together and composed.
"librarian" used to shame and embarrass the soul so the desires fled due to feelings of insufficiency. she ignored what was going on in order to appear orderly and in-production. She also kept things neat, by coming in and quieting the chaos; mostly through the use of hyper-relationships and co-dependence. the librarian allowed for earthly relationships and the distractions they offered to hide the real desires. hyper-religiosity and condemnation also acted as extinguishers of the flames of desire that aroused attention.
i learned that i must start listening to my desires, “ashamed” is now called “passion”. "passion" feels deeply. i allow “passion” to speak and be heard, no matter how ugly the feelings are. “passion” now has the liberty to express her loneliness, sadness, fear, hurt, excitement or shame freely to the other tribes. they are learning to respect her, to not control and therefore disregard her feelings or hush and belittle her desires. “drill sergeant” is learning to let go and be a mess sometimes. she is allowing me to express my insecurities to sisterfriends and not always look composed. she sometimes has to come in and control emotions in order for the emotions to be understood. she sometimes has to assert herself in order that vulnerability is shared with few and not the world. each tribe has an appropriate function. “the librarian” became the “art teacher” because times when my true desires seemed too hard to handle, i coped with art and journaling. i not only allowed “passion” to be heard and respected, i also coped with those feelings via arts & crafts and "drill sergeant" let me be artistic and deal with my emotions.
yes. i daily struggle to be aware of what is going on within me and my heart. but, my deep desire is to be in tune with my feminine soul. i challenge you to name your tribes. to see which one is dominating the others and which one is dying to heard.
go, beautiful souls and have courage to identify what is going on within your precious hearts. have courage to listen. to feel.
below are pictures of what i created one night to let "passion" be heard. unashamed, valued, live and be known is what is said.
((photos were taken by my wonderful roommate, jessica bennett))
You make sharing much easier by sharing your own heart and struggles. Thanks. I love you.
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