It is well with my soul, I know this deeply. But, my circumstances are not so well.
I come back from another engagement party celebrating another beautifully cherished couple for which I am thrilled! I love them and am truly thankful for their love.
As I leave the party I am faced with reality. My circumstances that surround me are so unstable, so out of control. Not sure what the future holds as it pertains to a job, location, financial income, loneliness or companionship and disapproval from others. My life is full of much stress and tension. It is well with my soul, but not my circumstances.
I leave another celebration feeling “singled” out and my heart is as hungry as ever to BE celebrated as a beautifully cherished couple with my lover. My desire to be adored is passionately aroused as I leave the engagement party. It is like my whole being, each bone in my body is dry and aching for a man’s love. I crave to be unconditionally accepted by a man. These desires are currently going unfulfilled. It is well with my soul, but not my circumstances.
It is well with my soul because tonight, as I slip into my P.J.’s and sit on my bed with my lap top I feel so alive in this tiny room alone. I feel so in touch with the part of my soul I have quieted for many years. I am letting her speak. She weeps, ponders, admits her neediness and feels valued.
It is well with my soul because I have holy, God-given longings that were not given to me as a punishment. These desires were not ingrained in me to be a source of frustration. They were inscribed on my soul to reflect what God’s heart is like. He too desires to be adored, to have a party thrown in the sake of His love, He craves to be loved ((even by mere humans)). We were made in the image of God: every human. I have a heart that is beating really close to the Creator’s. We have similar desires that are passionately groaning to be known and loved. I feel alive because I am restful that my heart is more than OK.
My circumstances that surround me are so unstable, so out of control, but it is well with my passionate soul.
Learning to live with ambiguity and uncertainty is a valuable lesson. Don't rush your life. Let it unfold as it should. Trust that you are where you need to be. Rest in the knowledge and comfort that in this moment you are exactly as you should be.
ReplyDeleteahhhh. alex. mannnnnnnnn. so good for me to hear!!!!! i don't think i struggle with wanting a man to adore me so much as people in general. i LOVE that you reminded me this morning that that desire to be loved and accepted is a reflection of God's heart and they are good desires, yet i ache for that acceptance so much that i look for it in the wrong places instead of to my Creator who has ALREADY loved and accepted me PERFECTLY. even though my heart is so WRONG and unbelieving of that, it is comforting that when i am with people who love me well (yet still imperfectly), that is only a teenytiny microscopic taste of the Father's love, and of how PERFECT it will be when we aren't in this world anymore! Gosh..... suuuuuch good, precious thoughts. thanks for being REAL!
ReplyDeletelove, jacks
That was really beautiful
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